Hair Care Basics

As a white Mommy to an African American little girl, I know how hard it can be to get the hair "just right."  We are a transracial family, and we get a lot of attention.  Particularly for the first year or so, a lot of that attention came from well-meaning African American women encouraging me to try this or that for Little Miss' hair.  The thing is, as I am learning now that Little Miss is almost 3, it's not that maintaining proper style for Little Miss' dry, kinky hair is so very hard, it's just a matter of learning how to do it.  So, for all of the new transracial Mommies out there, here are a few basic tips on how to get started.  I'm no expert, but I haven't gotten any sort of hair comment about Little Miss in almost a year, so I must be doing something right!  At any rate, here are a few pointers just to get going.

TEXTURE African American babies are often born with very soft hair, then as they get older, they're hair will take on its final texture.  Not all Black hair is the same.  It can be curly, wavy, or kinky...extremely dry, or only moderately dry.  This is very important.  I had the problem all the time, that A-A friends or acquaintances (or strangers) would want me to try a new product because Little Miss' hair was too dry.  It took me months to realize that many people (particularly the strangers) were only recommending what they use, and were not taking into consideration the fact that Little Miss is 100% African American and her hair is far along on the dry, kinky spectrum.  So you have to find the product that really fits your child's hair and not go crazy taking everyone's suggestions.   There is a lot of trial and error here.

SHAMPOO Do not use baby shampoo.  Do NOT use baby shampoo.  Find a shampoo that is made for African American children or at least one made for dry hair.  Shampoo about once a week.  If your child has only moderately dry hair, that may be all you need, at least when s/he is very young.  I am currently using Soft & Precious Baby, a shampoo for A-A kids. 

PRODUCT For Little Miss, we had to start using product at about age 4 months.  That's when her hair started sounding "crunchy" when I squeezed it. After asking around (interested strangers CAN be very useful sometimes) I realized that I did not have to stick just to products made for babies because all the products are chemical heavy, even the baby ones.  I had tried three: Soft & Precious Baby, Just for Me, and Dark and Lovely for Kids.  The nice thing about kids' products is that they smell kid-appropriate.  No heavy perfume or incense smell.  But, for Little Miss' extreme hair, kid products on their own did not have enough oil.  I have also tried the adult products Pink (an oft recommended brand, but strong-smelling and harsh on my hands), Mizani (nice, but expensive), and Lustrasilk Moisture Max (good, but harsh on my hands).  I am currently using Olive Oil (this is a brand, not like what you cook with), and I really like it.  It is good-smelling, has a heavy-duty oil-based lotion, and is gentle on my super-sensitive hands, so it must be pretty gentle on my little girl's head, too.  I also use a spray for detangling--Dark and Lovely for Kids moisturizing detangler.  Combining two products was an inspiration from a book, and it has been great.  I use the detangling spray before combing/styling and also to moisturize and spruce up a 'do that's being left in for several days.  I use the lotion on each section of hair before I twist, braid, or puff it.

STYLING  I like to style Little Miss' hair when it is wet, usually in the evening when things are calm and quiet (so unfortunately she sleeps in it before anyone really gets a chance to see it!).  The hair is much easier to work with when it is wet and the style seems to be more firm and smooth.  With dry, kinky hair, the hair can just lock in on itself if left in afro-mode, which deprives the scalp of oxygen, makes the hair really hard to comb, and contributes to breakage.  So, keeping her hair in sections, even if it is just two "afro-puff" pigtails, is really important.  That's why so many little girls that you see wear at least three sections most of the time.  It's no coincidence!  You should be able to see the scalp clearly through the parts, which should be kept very straight with a rat-tail comb or a pick ( I prefer a pick).  If the part is wishy-washy, the hair is pulled in a couple of different directions, causing the scalp to pucker along the part.  I don't know for sure how it feels, but it looks painful to me.  Right now, I tend to do about 16-20 different sections of hair by starting in quarters, then parting each quarter 4 or 5 times.  I secure each section with a rubber band, then do a two-strand twist.  The 2-strand twist is one of the coolest things about Black hair, I think.  Braids require 3 strands and are harder to remove, but two-strands twisted and clipped with a barrette will stay perfectly neat for a week or more.  Just wrap the end of the hair around the rod of the barrette before clipping.  Cool, huh?  This is just an intro...I plan to highlight specific styles in later articles.

MAINTENANCE I sure wish I had taught Little Miss to sleep in a cap when she was a little baby.  Not only would it have saved her from a massive baby-bald-spot, it would help maintain her styles now because a cap would keep the hair from rubbing around as she sleeps.  So far, no luck introducing a cap or kerchief, but try it if you can.  Also, I've had no luck finding a silk pillow case (I guess they don't sell them at Target), but I do know that cotton can catch on the hair and leech out the moisture, so silk is best.  Hair that is in puffs has to be released from rubber bands and sprayed, combed, and moisturized every day or two.  Twisted hair holds its moisture better because less is exposed to the air.   Hair in twists or braids can say in for days, even up to two weeks.  Every couple of days I spray each twist with moisturizing detangler and sometimes I rub lotion on the ends of the hair.  All the better if your little one is willing to sleep in her "pretties"...the twists remain tight and the ends remain moisturized.

I plan to make hair care a sort of series, where I highlight different 'dos as I begin to feel confident with them.  Check out my outline of Little Miss' Easter Hair for the first such installment.  I'm still learning, and as I said, so much of this is trial and error, so look around and find the regimine that really works best for your child.  Then, come back here and post so I can get a few more tips, too :-)

Comments

[Sarah]

You are a great mom! All the details you have to think about! You are doing a great job!

[Zombie]

Thanks for your article. I have a slightly different way of dealing with my AA daughter's hair (15 months old). First, I NEVER wash it. A biracial friend of mine suggested this. It keeps her curls looking gorgeous. I haven't washed it in 11 months and it is very clean and smells fine. I just wet my daughter's hair every few days and work in an oil based product. Then I comb the hair and style it. I do it all in the bath tub, because that is the only place she will sit still. I don't like all the chemicals in the products found in the black hair care aisle, but I have found 2 things that work really well for my daughter's hair. The first is Burt's Bees Apricot Oil. The other is Carol's Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey. Carol's Daughter is a mostly natural brand of hair products specifically for AA hair. Both the Burt's Bees and the Carol's Daughter stuff smells sooo good.

[Zombie]

Thanks for your article. I have a slightly different way of dealing with my AA daughter's hair (15 months old). First, I NEVER wash it. A biracial friend of mine suggested this. It keeps her curls looking gorgeous. I haven't washed it in 11 months and it is very clean and smells fine. I just wet my daughter's hair every few days and work in an oil based product. Then I comb the hair and style it. I do it all in the bath tub, because that is the only place she will sit still. I don't like all the chemicals in the products found in the black hair care aisle, but I have found 2 things that work really well for my daughter's hair. The first is Burt's Bees Apricot Oil. The other is Carol's Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey. Carol's Daughter is a mostly natural brand of hair products specifically for AA hair. Both the Burt's Bees and the Carol's Daughter stuff smells sooo good.

[mysoultokeep]

I just came across your blog and was struck by your thoughtfulness and sense of humor.

A silk pillowcase would help. Email me at cristina@mysoultokeep.net, let me know who you are, and we'll give you a discount on our babyface silk pillowcase. Our website is www.mysoultokeep.net

Best to you and your little one!