Kiddobeans

My Open Adoption Book

Hey all you guys out there.  As I have mentioned before, I occasionally attempt to write a children's story.  Of course, it's nearly impossible to get published when sending an unsolicited manuscript out there in the cut-throat world of children's publishing, but I've decided to give it another go with my story  "I Have Two Names."  When Little Miss was adopted, I was shocked at the lack of stories out there about domestic adoption.  International adoption has been so publicized (with a lot of celebrities choosing international adoption and then writing books about it) that you can find a book about China at the drop of a hat.  But, look for a kids' book that provides an introduction to open adoption and the open adoption triad (birthparent--adoptive parent--child) and good luck to you!  So, I wrote one.  Based on Little Miss' open adoption, here is "I Have Two Names."  Comments would be appreciated before I send this one out into the cold, cruel world.

“I Have Two Names: A Story of Open Adoption”

Hi! My name is Danielle. And my name is Lizzie. I have two very important names.

My name is Lizzie because that is the name my birthmom gave me. I grew in my birthmom's tummy for nine months until I was ready to be born. Because she couldn't take care of me, she chose a very special Mommy and Daddy for me.

My birthmom wanted to give me a name that would always remind me how much she loves me. That is why she named me Lizzie—because it is a part of her name, Elizabeth. When I was born, Elizabeth was very young. She wanted me to live with her, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to take good care of me. Elizabeth decided to show how much she loved me by making an Adoption Plan for me. When I hear the name Lizzie, I remember that my birthmom loves me and is thinking of me.

My name is Danielle because that is the name Mommy and Daddy gave me when I became their daughter. When I was three days old, Mommy and Daddy met with Elizabeth. Elizabeth told them all about me, and all about the kind of parents she hoped to find for me. Then Mommy and Daddy talked to Elizabeth about how much they wanted to be parents, and how excited they were that I might join their family. Mommy and Daddy and Elizabeth all agreed that I should be a part of Mommy and Daddy's family forever. The next day, Mommy and Daddy met me for the first time, and brought me home. That was my Adoption Day!

On my Adoption Day, Mommy and Daddy wanted to give me a name that would show that I was an important member of their family. Because we have many relatives named Daniel, they gave me a name that sounds like “Daniel.” When I hear the name Danielle, I remember that I am surrounded by a family that loves me.

When Elizabeth writes letters to me, she might say, “Dear Lizzie, I love you very much,” or she might say, “Lizzie, you are becoming such a big girl! I keep a big photo album with all of the pictures you send to me and I like to look at them and see how much you have grown. ”

When my Mommy tucks me into bed at night she says, “My dear Danielle, I love you very much. I watch you grow every day and I am so proud that you are my little girl.”

Elizabeth knows that Mommy and Daddy call me Danielle. She doesn't mind. She is glad that Mommy and Daddy welcomed me to the family by giving me a special name. She placed me with Mommy and Daddy on purpose so that I could be a part of their family forever.

Mommy and Daddy know that Elizabeth sometimes calls me Lizzie. They don't mind. They know that Elizabeth will always be important to me. They are glad that my name will always remind me of her.

When Mommy talks to Elizabeth on the phone she says, “Lizzie loves to play and read and dance and sing.” Elizabeth says, “I like to do those things, too! I am always happy when I hear that Danielle is happy.”

I have two very special names because I have two very special families. Both families love me and want the best for me. Both families are mine forever. That is why I will always be Danielle. And I will always be Lizzie.

Finalization...and 6 Month Recap!

It has been very flattering to me that I actually got a couple of emails from people who had been following my blog and were dying to know what happened after we brought Newbie (now known as Little Buddy) home.  Well, what happened is this...I got too busy to type.  Now, however, that Little Buddy has just passed his eight month birthday and we actually received his adoption finalization papers in the mail just last week (!), I feel that the time is ripe to re-enter the world of adoption/family blogging and let you know just how things have been going.

For the first month, everything was very rough at home.  Little Buddy was born exposed to methadone, a drug used to treat more severe addictions like heroine.  His birthmom, DD, has been clean for two years with the help of a methadone treatment program, but because of the nature of methadone treatment, she was unable to go off it during pregnancy.  If she had stopped methadone treatment, the shock to her system may have caused miscarriage or a whole host of other problems for the baby.  So, Little Buddy was methadone exposed and spent seven weeks in the hospital going through withdrawal.  We were ecstatic to be able to take him home at seven weeks, but we were maybe not quite prepared for the upcoming weeks of withdrawal symptoms at home.  It takes a full three months for methadone to leave the system, so we had an additional six weeks of withdrawal after he left the hospital.  At times, he was a normal baby and we had a glimpse of the happy little guy he would become.  At other times, when he was exposed to too much visual and aural stimulus, he would tremble, sweat, and cry uncontrollably.  We learned quickly how to calm him, but knowing that he could go into what we called "an episode" with very little stimulus, we spent a lot of time at home.  At first, he could barely be in the same room with rambunctious Little Miss and Little Man, so that made getting into a family schedule very difficult.  Still, as I said earlier, we had a sense of a lovely, sweet, well-tempered baby just waiting to come out once the methadone thing had run its course.

After the first month, I started to get my feet under me as a mother of three.  It has been extremely busy not only because I am a mother of three, but also because Little Miss had a medical problem that needed to be sorted out, Little Buddy had a couple of  Developmental reviews and has been receiving Physical Therapy every other week, and the whole family periodically had to stop everything and meet with one of our adoption social workers as a requirement for finalization.  Whew!

Still, it has been great.  The two "big kids" (now ages 3.5 and almost 3) have completely taken over Little Buddy.  Bonding is not quite the word...for a while it was almost an obsession.  They could not wait to see him every morning when he woke up, they mourned for him every afternoon when he took his nap, and they spent all of the intervening hours trying to "play" with him or (more dangerous still) "take care" of him.  Little Miss is especially prone to "taking care" of the "Sweet Little Baby", as she calls him.  She tries to mix bottles, spoon feed, bottle feed, carry, and diaper the baby, and does not take kindly to the reminder that I am the Mommy and will take care of him, while she is the Big Sister and does not need to do the Mommy things.  She often reminds me "Mommy, he is a little baby and you have to be gentle with him.  You can't be firm to him.  He is a little baby."

Our relationship with DD, Little Buddy's birthmom, is also excellent.  We get together about every three months or so.  We actually live less than two miles apart, so we decided that our adoption had to be fully open,  otherwise it would just be awkward.  We could run into each other in the store or on the street...if we were trying to maintain secrecy that would be really weird!  DD takes her role as birthmom very seriously, which I really respect.  She goes out of her way to validate Phil's and my roles as parents, especially in front of Little Man and Little Miss.  She is extremely mindfull of our privacy.  And, she readily answers every question I have about her and her family, and backs up her information with dozens of photographs of her, her late husband (the birthfather), and her family.

So life is busy, but good.  The second adoption was hard, but good.  Parenting three is circus-like, but good.  And now I am happy to be able to be back at the keyboard.  Good.