Little Miss needed gross motor physical therapy from ages 10 months to 16 months in order to learn to crawl and walk. When the doctor handed me the referral to get her a Developmental Review at her nine month check-up, I cried. Now, to be fair, I had actually delivered Little Man by emergency C-section only two weeks before, so I can't say that I was at my emotional best. Still, I cried. I felt like a failure, and I felt that her struggle to crawl was a reflection on me. Also, let's face it, my competitive edge was sore because she wasn't "keeping up" with the other babies (sad, but true). And, since the whole experience was new to me, I was scared that the folks at Early Intervention (the IL state-run therapy program) were going to be mean to me.
How Jr. High does all that sound now!? And notice, all of those fears were about ME and how I was feeling, not about Little Miss at all. So, I cried, and I'm not proud of it. But I am proud that in spite of my emotional state, my silly fears, and even my family situation--remember, those two babies were only 10 months and 1 month old at the time of the Developmental Review--I didn't put it off. Because of my prompt action following up with Early Intervention, Little Miss got the help she need and started crawling just before her first birthday. And, in case you were wondering, all of the Early Intervention staff and Little Miss' very own personal PT were delightful.
So, hey, a little developmental delay is not the end of the world. Just focus, and get the help as it is needed. That was my philosophy moving forward with Little Buddy. Like Little Miss, he has some pre-natal substance exposure. Unlike her, he had to be sedated in the hospital for seven weeks just to make sure his horrible withdrawal symptoms didn't send him into a dangerous seizure. So, prenatal exposure combined with a seven week hospital stay...that's just asking for Physical Therapy.
Sure enough, at his first pediatrician appointment, when he'd been out of the hospital and in our family for a scant four days, I got that referral for a Developmental Review. I was expecting it and I felt good about it. He was only two months old, and I was hoping the very earliest possible Early Intervention might quickly override his developmental delays. Unfortunately, PT is hard work and not a miracle cure-all. We're still getting therapy every other week, and he's still not crawling.
My emotional blues with PT this time around came not at the beginning, but this past month when I realized Little Buddy was not going to be crawling on a "normal" schedule. At 10 months, that milestone is passing us by. I found myself frustrated with the whole process, which, after all, has been going on for eight months now...I want to see some results! What got me out of my funk? Well, first of all, I owned up to myself that I was being selfish and whiny (and far too Type-A). And, on a cheerier note, Little Buddy started clapping and started using ASL to sign "more" and "all done." He made huge, visible progress in another area and that made me remember that he his cute and lovable and all-around sweet...and that I'm very lucky that we are tied only to PT and are not getting the other Early Intervention offerings of Speech Therapy, Fine Motor Therapy, and Nutritional Therapy. My mantra is: What he lacks in gross motor skills, he makes up for in charm!
Having a good attitude about the therapy situation is of vital importance, because many people in my general circle of acquaintances and friends just don't get it. Either they spend a lot of time telling me that the pediatrician, et. al, are just overreacting and Little Buddy doesn't really need physical therapy at all, or I get sympathetic looks and reminders that God loves our "special needs" children the most. Ok, let's find a happy medium, people. Little Buddy is doing great and does not have "special needs" in the vernacular sense, but he does have a developmental delay and he does need physical therapy. He needs it, and that is not the end of the world.
So, if your doctor hands over that emotionally shattering piece of paper--a Developmental referral--take a deep breath. Developmental Delay can happen to anyone, it is not tied to problem births or pre-natal exposure, it probably has nothing to do with you or your parenting. Developmental Delays that are addressed in early childhood will probably be completely overcome and leave no residual affect (I know Little Miss is operating at 100% after her little detour down PT lane). There is no reason to feel guilty, scared, or hopeless. Feel guilty only if you allow your emotions to put off getting the help that your child needs. Feel scared only if you see small problems that would have been easily overcome with therapy turn into big ones that follow your little one through childhood. Feel hopeless only if you are trying to cope on your own with Developmental Delays that require the assistance of a professional. Otherwise, be positive and confident. You are doing the right thing. You are helping your child. It's just no big deal.
